As always, when something unexpected or unpleasant happens to me, I try to find the lessons. “When you are stuck in the ‘shit’, you better dive deep into that pile of shit, to find the ‘present’ hidden in it” I tend to say.
So these are some of the things I did and learned:
I looked for the symbolism of things happening in my life
- For example, I was still trying to ‘detach’ myself from a previous relationship. I had literally told my friends repeatedly that I was trying to let go of our energetic connection, and I was ‘peeling him off, thread by thread’. Maybe I had ‘let go’ just a little too much and the ‘detachment’ had gone a bit too far?
- Also, in the past years, I had been trying to match my ethics and worldview to his explanation of the world. Our views and experiences were so opposite that it literally tore me up. Conclusion: I had to stick to my own worldview.
- I booked a session with my somatic coach to see if I had missed anything. The learnings my body expressed were: ‘Trust your world vision’ and ‘learn to see with your heart’
- Somebody sent me this link to the emotional and spiritual meaning of eye problems, which also gives interesting views.
Trying not to resist the situation
- Pain is not suffering. It is part of life. RESISTANCE to pain is suffering.
- Not accepting a given situation is suffering. If you cannot change the situation, why fight it? All I could do was try to accept and deal with the situation.
- Accepting the emotions that present themselves in this uncertain situation. Like fear (what if it happens again? Or to my other eye?), doubt (can I trust my body, my vision?), anxiety (what will my life look like when my sight deteriorates further?) All I can do is be present, and be aware of my emotions. Breathe.
Asking for help
- Normally I am used to doing everything by myself. Now I asked friends to call me when I was feeling down and to pick me up when I could not drive.
- I even asked my clients to be patient when I could not respond to my emails or other screen-related things as fast as I normally would.
- While being open to help, I also wanted to avoid letting myself be overwhelmed by advice/fear of others. Like: “Go back to Holland”, “settle in one place”, “prepare for complete blindness”, do this, don’t do this.
Adjusting to the new reality
- Throughout all this, I have realized even more how strong my intuition is, and how it serves me to help others. Even when I cannot read as much as I used to, I can still help them with their energy, their book, and their business. I can still capture the essence of things. I can still make an analysis, and connect the dots. I can still find solutions. I can still help others to share their important message.
- I constantly have to remind myself that I can’t go back to ‘how it was’. I will have to find new ways of being, of working, of traveling, of staying fit. I have to set new priorities. Fewer screens. No heavy exercise, and avoid anything that poses a risk to my eyes.
To be continued… 👀