The next morning was a rainy day. My partner, his daughter and I had one day to discover Amman before going on a week-long tour of Jordan, which would show us the major sites and a camel experience in the desert. During my morning meditation, I felt very peaceful and challenged the universe to bring on ‘the next lesson’… Only a few minutes later I discovered something that completely changed my view of my partner and our relationship. It was a deal breaker. I was shocked by this different reality. I could feel the adrenaline in my body; all systems shutting down, turning to survival mode. I knew only one thing: I had to get away. I had to decide: go back to Holland or stay in Jordan? I decided that since I was here and needed to let this all sink in, why not see at least the highlights of the country?
I found myself in a country and city I did not know, a woman alone in an Islam country, on a rainy day, with not even local money in my pocket, so I used what I had and knew: my phone: I booked a hotel via booking.com
and jumped into an Uber for the three hour drive to Petra. There I was, cold, lonely, confused, in my bare, simple, cheap hotel room.
I could not eat, could not sleep, my mind was racing, trying to understand what was going on. The next day when I entered the historical Petra site at 6 am, I was like a zombie. A stone on my stomach, my heart tightly closed, not even feeling sadness, just shock and disbelief. To match my emotional state, it was freezing cold outside and I did not even have a jacket.