In my car on the way home, I could still ‘feel’ the Peyote energy; I could feel them in my heart. They were asking me, without words, if I wanted to explore. I said ‘yes’ out loud, feeling a bit ridiculous, by myself in the car. They kept pushing: was I sure? (yes), this was not something to be taken lightly, did I understand (yes). I had no idea exactly what else they asked of me, but I kept saying yes, because I had a very deep urge to explore, to connect. I was surprised by their sudden interest in me, because up to that moment, I had thought of them as kind of cold, distant, calculating, maybe even a bit arrogant. But in the car, I felt another side. It was as if they were acting as mirrors.
To be honest, I had wanted to connect with them out of curiosity, maybe also a bit as a novelty, maybe even to show off? I had been ‘using’ them, too. Just like I felt they were ‘using’ me. Suddenly I felt my heart open. Tears welled in my eyes. Under that ‘hard’ shell that they had been showing me, mirroring me, there was beauty, softness, love, colours, emotions, molecules, and connection…. For a moment, I felt like a veil had lifted. They showed me that when I showed my true self, my inner beauty, and my vulnerability, that is what it would feel like.
Letting go – the Peyote song
The next day I was struggling with letting go. Things were happening in my life that I had trouble dealing with. To test out this new connection with the Peyote, I asked them: how do you guys deal with letting go, cleansing, processing, and transforming stuff that happens? The answer was very short and very clear. A thought came into my mind as if it was my own thought, but the voice I heard was not mine. I could have never come up with this answer: “We sing” they said.